Overheard From The Nurse’s Station

This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

A group of us + a few too many cups of coffee = this article idea: Some of the stuff we encounter at work is just too good to forget after one retelling. We asked around, posted the idea on Facebook, and got inundated with random anecdotes. Herewith: Some of the funnier snippets of conversations we’ve overheard from the nurse’s station!

 

 

P.A. 

Do you have any questions?

 

Teenager 

Yeah, will cigarette smoke show up in my urine sample?

Overheard by M. Patterson

 

________________________

 

Nurse 1 

What do you do for stress?

 

Nurse 2 

Yoga and shooting shotguns, mostly.

___________

 

Female

The medicine made my teeth feel like they were floating in my head.

 

Male

All of ’em?

Overheard by G. Nunez

________________________

 

Person

I was finally able to repair the coffee table while I was waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

Overheard by K. Chang

___________

 

Oveheard in a Waiting Room

 

Mother (to child)

Sit down and start acting like you’re sick.

Overheard by D. Ludlow

________________________

 

Guy One

Did you see that nurse?

 

Guy Two

Which one?

 

Guy One

The one with the shoes.

 

Overheard by R. Armstrong

___________

 

Admitting Clerk:

How old is your son?

 

Man:

27

 

Admitting Clerk:

Then whose child is that?

 

Man:

I don’t know.

 

Overheard by L. Winslow

________________________

 

Nurse 1

You know what’s longer than a 12-hour shift?

 

Nurse 2

What?

 

Nurse 1

A 12-hour shift with no chairs.

 

___________

 

Nurse

I’ve been wearing a Batman t-shirt under my scrubs ever since I started working evening shift.

________________________

 

Nurse

The patient’s fine. It’s his mother-in-law I can’t stand.

___________

 

Nurse 1

Did you bring the charts?

 

Nurse 2

No.

 

Nurse 1

Why not?

 

Nurse 2

I didn’t want to.

 

Overheard by K. Stennis

________________________

 

Nurse to Friend

Were you worried about catching swine flu?

 

Friend

Not really, I stopped eating pork years ago.

Supposedly overheard by D. Luntz [but we’ve heard this one, too!]

 

___________

 

MD

Can you hand me one of those Popsicle sticks?

 

Nurse

You mean tongue depressors?

MD

You know what I mean.

Overheard by R. Zimmerman

________________________

Patient

I don’t have insurance.

 

Nurse

Don’t worry. Neither do I.

 

Overheard by A Torres.

 

___________

 

Nurse 1

I got a full night’s sleep, but I’m still tired.

 

Nurse 2

To think, you could have done something fun last night and woke up feeling the same way.

 

Nurse 1

Now I’m depressed and tired.

 

Overheard by T. Kimura

________________________

 

Got any more? Share them in the comments below and you may be featured in a new installment!

 


This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.
 
 

12 COMMENTS

  1. Real things patients have said to me in the ER.

    “I read on the Internet that I have AIDS or the flu. Can you check me for both?”

    “If you want my veins to get hard, you should put some porn on”

    “If my arm is broken, why is it still hurting?”

  2. Walk-in doc to my 4yr old soon-to-be stepson- “Does anything hurt?”
    Stepson – “Nope”
    Doc repeats question 4 different ways. Steps out of room, calls me over. “Anything else you want to tell me?”
    Me – “Nope. He had a high fever, sore throat, and stomach ache. I gave him Tylenol at noon, Motrin at 3, and we came in.”
    Goes to Dad, “Anything you want to tell me?”
    I panic because I know where this is going – right to Child Welfare! I race to the nurses’ station. “We’re getting married at 7. We don’t tell him anything before it happens because he lays on the floor and screams!”
    Nurse to doc – “May I speak to you, please?”
    Throat culture, Augmenting samples, and we were still on time for the wedding!

  3. RN at nursing station overhears a doctor during morning rounds on a CHF patient (little old HOH lady).

    Doctor: When was the last time you were weighed?

    Patient: Oh honey, I haven’t been laid in years.

    • OMG! LMBO!!! You gave me a Good laugh for the day!
      (sorry it’s at that pt’s expense…Lol!)
      Suggestions to that male patient: 1. Lighten up on the deep sea swimming and the Sponge Bob watching to prevent those “barnacles”; 2. See an OB/GYN Stat!! and 3. PLEASE explain symptoms in plain English (leave the medical terminology to the professionals)! LOL!

  4. 6-2 Nurse : Mrs. J. is upset, again.
    Me: What now?
    6-2 Nurse: He started cursing with a BM.
    Me: And…
    6-2 Nurse: She wants to know who taught him “those words”.
    Me: He’s a WW II veteran…he has Alzheimer’s…where does she think he learned “those words”?
    (FYI – this actually happened)

  5. RN 1: I work all the time… I need a cleaning lady to keep up with the housework.

    RN 2: then why don’t you hire one?

    RN 1: I tried, but they all charge more money an hour than I make!

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