A group of us + a few too many cups of coffee = this article idea: Some of the stuff we encounter at work is just too good to forget after one retelling. We asked around, posted the idea on Facebook, and got inundated with random anecdotes. Herewith: Some of the funnier snippets of conversations we’ve overheard from the nurse’s station!
Do you have any questions?
Yeah, will cigarette smoke show up in my urine sample?
Overheard by M. Patterson
What do you do for stress?
Yoga and shooting shotguns, mostly.
The medicine made my teeth feel like they were floating in my head.
All of ’em?
Overheard by G. Nunez
I was finally able to repair the coffee table while I was waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
Overheard by K. Chang
Oveheard in a Waiting Room
Mother (to child)
Sit down and start acting like you’re sick.
Overheard by D. Ludlow
Did you see that nurse?
The one with the shoes.
Overheard by R. Armstrong
How old is your son?
Then whose child is that?
I don’t know.
Overheard by L. Winslow
You know what’s longer than a 12-hour shift?
A 12-hour shift with no chairs.
I’ve been wearing a Batman t-shirt under my scrubs ever since I started working evening shift.
The patient’s fine. It’s his mother-in-law I can’t stand.
Did you bring the charts?
I didn’t want to.
Overheard by K. Stennis
Nurse to Friend
Were you worried about catching swine flu?
Not really, I stopped eating pork years ago.
Supposedly overheard by D. Luntz [but we’ve heard this one, too!]
Can you hand me one of those Popsicle sticks?
You mean tongue depressors?
You know what I mean.
Overheard by R. Zimmerman
I don’t have insurance.
Don’t worry. Neither do I.
Overheard by A Torres.
I got a full night’s sleep, but I’m still tired.
To think, you could have done something fun last night and woke up feeling the same way.
Now I’m depressed and tired.
Overheard by T. Kimura
Got any more? Share them in the comments below and you may be featured in a new installment!
Real things patients have said to me in the ER.
“I read on the Internet that I have AIDS or the flu. Can you check me for both?”
“If you want my veins to get hard, you should put some porn on”
“If my arm is broken, why is it still hurting?”
Walk-in doc to my 4yr old soon-to-be stepson- “Does anything hurt?”
Stepson – “Nope”
Doc repeats question 4 different ways. Steps out of room, calls me over. “Anything else you want to tell me?”
Me – “Nope. He had a high fever, sore throat, and stomach ache. I gave him Tylenol at noon, Motrin at 3, and we came in.”
Goes to Dad, “Anything you want to tell me?”
I panic because I know where this is going – right to Child Welfare! I race to the nurses’ station. “We’re getting married at 7. We don’t tell him anything before it happens because he lays on the floor and screams!”
Nurse to doc – “May I speak to you, please?”
Throat culture, Augmenting samples, and we were still on time for the wedding!
RN at nursing station overhears a doctor during morning rounds on a CHF patient (little old HOH lady).
Doctor: When was the last time you were weighed?
Patient: Oh honey, I haven’t been laid in years.
Sorry tears forMargaret….
Great article! I’m retired now and have no web site except on the corners of my ceilings at home!
Triage: What brings you here today?
Female patient: I get recurring IUDs.They always start with pressure in my bladder.
Male Patient: ” I’ve been diagnosed with barnacle pneumonia. And I’ve had vagina for years…I take nitro glycerin pills for it”.
OMG! LMBO!!! You gave me a Good laugh for the day!
(sorry it’s at that pt’s expense…Lol!)
Suggestions to that male patient: 1. Lighten up on the deep sea swimming and the Sponge Bob watching to prevent those “barnacles”; 2. See an OB/GYN Stat!! and 3. PLEASE explain symptoms in plain English (leave the medical terminology to the professionals)! LOL!
6-2 Nurse : Mrs. J. is upset, again.
Me: What now?
6-2 Nurse: He started cursing with a BM.
6-2 Nurse: She wants to know who taught him “those words”.
Me: He’s a WW II veteran…he has Alzheimer’s…where does she think he learned “those words”?
(FYI – this actually happened)
Male elderly patient states to nurse:
“Nurses are Angels with really cool shoes”
RN 1: I work all the time… I need a cleaning lady to keep up with the housework.
RN 2: then why don’t you hire one?
RN 1: I tried, but they all charge more money an hour than I make!
Comments are closed.