Things That No Nurse Would Ever Say

This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

We know that there are things nurses say every day. And then there are things that only nurses say. But we also know there are things that nurses would NEVER say.

Something like: “I feel so energized after that 12-hour shift…” Said no nurse ever!

Over on our Facebook page, we asked nurses what they would never say. Check out some of the great responses below, and be sure to leave your own in the comments section!

“Management was right after all.”
—Steve C.

“My salary is too much.”
—Adebisi T.

“I would love nothing more than to answer your call light 15 times in 12 minutes. I have so much free time.”
—Natalie B.

“…No problem. I was just on my 30-minute lunch break.”
—Melissa Montalvo

“I’m so happy that I get to work on weekends and all major holidays!”
Shan L.

“To a co-worker: ‘Sure, I’ll go check on your patient who’s not breathing well, puking and bleeding out…you just continue to Facebook while I take care of that for you!!!’”
—Michele B.

“I would love to pull a double the night of a full moon!”
—Tiffany J.

“We always have so much staff, I get bored…never enough to do! Thank you, nursing supervisor, for always getting us so much help!!!”
—Michele B.

“I just LOVE removing impactions just before lunch!”
—Donna M.

“I don’t need to pee. I did that before my shift started, eight hours ago.”
—Larissa H.

 Anything to add? Share in the comments section below.

This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.


  1. Sure, I’ll stay here past my evening shift until the day shift gets here! I’m so thrilled that I’m the only neurosurgical nurse that can stay to finish this brain surgery we’re doing since 4PM….

  2. During an admission, I have always wanted to say, “Now please, answer every question in essay form so I can absolutely understand that you are sicker than everyone else on the unit, hell maybe even the hospital”.

  3. To neighbor: I’m totally looking forward to arriving home at 8am following an overnight shift to stand outside the house for an hour chatting about your bowel issues!

  4. The one thing I have still never forgot about nursing school (22 years later)… Purulent! A fellow student nurse had made the dreadful mistake of describing pus like drainage from a wound. One of our instructors came to the chalk board and erased everything, then wrote in capital letters PUSSY. She then turned around to all of us snickering students and stated “don’t ever use this word to describe pus like drainage from a wound. Because what you are reading is exactly what everyone else will see after you.”


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