Share Your COVID-19 Stories, Tips & Fears

Numbers going down for Covid admissions in the Community Hospital in the city Indianapolis,In.
How the virus has affected me and family is things scheduled you were looking forward to cancelled. Not seeing extended family and friends. No hugs. I don’t like to be distanced socially.
Had to rethink where or what store I am going to due to the closing of most businesses. Plus have spent less money and paid more bills.
Downside also had more time to bake which leads to eating more which leads to putting on weight.
Selfcare: focus on working on areas of my body that need extra attention. Whether needing smoothing, moisturizing, stimulating hair growth, foot massage and walking every morning I don’t work my 12 hour shifts. Enjoy nature and special moments with my kids.

I have been a nurse for 21 years. I’m 44 years old but feel like 75 a lot of days. I’m not on the front line this time, but I admire you that are and I can relate. For years I ran my body working 2-3 jobs because I was young, felt good and though I’m a Christian I was serving my flesh and things (not intentionally). I had built my house by the time I was 24, had finished my MSN by the time I was 28 and then I turned 30 and it came crashing down. I was diagnosed with Lupus and Raynaud’s. I was in denial for two years searching everything to find another diagnosis and then I had to accept the fact I did have Lupus. During that time I was diagnosed with Lupus. I currently work as a case manager for one of the largest insurance companies in the world. I work sometimes 12-16 hours. I work from home and I knew it would be this way. But because I don’t think as quick on my feet, have brain fog sometimes, lots of pain I cannot go back to the hospital. To those on the front I know what it’s like to see death. I worked in Hospice for a while. I saw my sister and took care of her and was at her bedside when they took her off the vent. I was with my mom for 3 weeks in the hospital as she fought pneumonia and saw her last minutes of death. God I have even done pediatric oncology and I never shed a tear. I had to be strong for the families. I didn’t let my family see me grieve my sister and mom’s death. But I still do. I love them so much I would have laid down my life for them. Part of my spirit died when they died. I’m telling you this story to let you know you are not alone. There are nurses not on the front line that can empathize with you and know what it’s like to see death on a daily basis. I pray for you all and your families.

While reading through these conversations, I realize how grateful I am. It has been rough! No Doubt! I am the employee health nurse at an acute care facility in South Florida and I am managing the care of our Covid Positive employees. (It has been a challenge to reassure a brand new nurse, who is also pregnant, that she WILL get better and that she really did make a good career choice!)
So for today I am grateful to my pool guy! For years, I have been trying to tell my coworkers about the advantages of swimming. I realize I am lucky to live in South Florida. Our weather has been fantastic! My dog greets me at my front door when I get home every day and just goes crazy until I get on my suit and head out back to the pool. After a few laps, the kinks start to work out of my neck, my head clears, and I know I will be strong to face another day. What’s your VERB? Make space for it!
And by all means, if you have a dog, and he still kind of recognizes you, neither you OR your dog have any excuse if he doesn’t learn a new trick during weeks and weeks of togetherness. Today I literally had my dog “jumping through hoops”! Why should we be the only ones?

I am a retired pediatric nurse, retired for the last 15 due to disability. I still keep my nursing license, as it is a part of my identity. I was 19 when I became a RN. But I know that I am high risk and unable to practice again.
Covid-19 became real to me when my high school alumni association sent out a email requesting prayers for the vice principal of the school. The next day, the email said he had died of covid-19. I found myself crying for this 42 year old man who was not even born yet when I graduated. His funeral Mass was online only. His funeral procession was cars driving by his home, where his wife & 3 children were.
I thought of family still up in NY, most in the high risk category. Thankfully, they were able to shelter in place.
I miss nursing. I feel guilty for not helping in this crisis. But I know I am not able to do so in my present health, I’d be a detriment to care.
I grew up having all the childhood diseases, before many of the immunizations were available. But the majority of people do not remember this. They don’t know what’s necessary for quarantine. I grew up reading about the Spanish Influenza of 1918, where more died of the flu than died in WWI. I grew up hearing my parents talk of my uncle who died of polio, just weeks after he returned from the Army. People were too afraid to go to his funeral, so it was just family.
Then I see “I want a haircut” posters from idiots protesting quarantine, who want to go back to “normal” without the testing needed to contain this epidemic, I shake my head. Politicians who say the economy is more important than losing “some lives” make me see red. The lack of preparation, the unavailability of infection control ppe, testing or even ventilators make me see red. We should have been the country best prepared to deal with this crisis, but we weren’t. That needs to change. Too late for those we’ve already lost or will lose to covid-19, but for future epidemics.

Where has all the Alcohol gone?????

I’m an ER nurse. Last week my mother-in-law died from ARF due to pneumonia. Was it CoVID19? Who can say? Knowing won’t bring her back. Since she was brought to my hospital, I was able to get my husband and his brother in to say goodby to their mama. We were lucky. So many patients are coming into the ER and are terrified to be going through their health care alone.

I personally won’t step away from nursing. Frankly, I begged my boss to let me take some time to go to NY or CA to help for a few weeks or months, but they’re not letting anyone go out of fear of the surge (if or when it comes.) personally, I have so much guilt/frustration that I can’t be there to support my colleagues who are being pushed to their limits when the hospitals in my area are facing low census. Yet I can’t walk away and abandon my community either.

The thing that scares me the most is getting someone I love sick. I don’t care about me; I’m an Er nurse so I’m used to getting the funk from the community. No, I’m scared I’ll give something to my elderly parents or my diabetic husband. If they got sick and died from this, I would probably blame myself.

My favorite laugh came yesterday. A patient came in unresponsive and we were seconds from intubation her she snapped awake. She was still in bad shape, but awake and talking, I had to put in a Foley and she didn’t like it, but I told her it was better to have a tube in your vajay-jay than down your throat. She about died laughing

I am a 50+ RN working extra hours on a confirmed Covid-19 unit. I volunteered at first because the RN’s on the unit were popping positive and were sick and the unit was severely understaffed. I work 2 8-hour shifts on the weekends. I have Asthma and am extremely diligent on using PPE.
I cry every single day because I am so fearful that if I mess up and get this, I would probably find myself alone in the hospital as a patient and potentially on a vent. I deal with it by reminding myself that if I let down my guard, I could be potentially killing myself. This motivates me from taking my N95 mask off until I leave the facility. I am tired and not sure how much longer I can do these shifts. I was just recently tested for Covid-19, as 3 more RN’s tested positive for Covid 19.

I’m an essential worker. I’m a nurse. I’m writing you my story not for accolades or for you to clap for me(although I appreciate those gestures immensely)… but for my own sanity. I’ve stopped sharing my concerns, my fatigue, my depression with my significant other because I’m afraid of scaring him. I dont want my stepchildren to hear me cry because they are already afraid of me. They’re afraid because i work with ‘those people’. I dont hug them – just in case I contracted COVID-19 from one of my patients. I’m living in a nightmare of a science fiction movie.

I’m a nurse that usually works with post-surgical patients. A standard job I’ve been doing now for the last 13 years. I feel I can do it with my eyes closed. I’m rarely flustered. I’ve been an RN for 25 years doing Emergency and Urgent Care before this position, and always felt confident walking into my job. That confidence is now replaced with fear, insomnia, and nausea.

There aren’t many surgical patients to take care of anymore. Only surgeries deemed URGENT may take place for the reason of preserving supplies and decrease the potential spread of COVID-19. Having a decrease in patients meant a decrease in work, so we were encouraged to work in other areas of the hospitals overwhelmed with COVID-19 patients. I did that. I went to the ICU and saw things that will never leave my mind. Young, formally healthy men and women dying alone. Suffocating through tubes. With no family to hold their hands. Families saying their last good byes over FaceTime. People getting last right over the phone. These imagines are horrifying and real. They are not Fake News or the media exaggerating reality for ratings. These are people dying.

I now work in a Field Hospital. You may have seen the images of Military created hospitals in the NY and NJ area made to help with the overflow of COVID-19 patients. They are mass building with hundreds of ‘rooms’ made by curtains and decorated only with a metal flat cot, thin plastic mattress, a metal folding chair, and a table. I care for these patients in layers of protective gear with my name scrawled in black marker on a plastic gown covering. I hope they can see my smiling at them beneath my N95 mask, surgical mask, and face shield. I pray for them as their oxygen levels dip into the 70’s or 80’s with just a short trip to the bathroom. They’re gasping for air. And they are scared for themselves …. I’m scared for them. I know the next step of our capabilities would mean a ventilator. I don’t like to think about that.

I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m sad. Im an essential worker and can’t stay home. I’m not sure how I’m getting through this. I feel like I’m on autopilot… doing it because I have to. It’s my job. I dont have any words of wisdom about getting enough water, meditating, getting fresh air… I wish I did. My therapist says my feelings are ‘normal’. Another part of the ‘new normal’. I guess I would say I’m getting through this by hoping one day soon this will magically end. I know that’s not realistic, or even possible. But it’s what’s getting ME through. It’s the ONLY thing getting me through.
Thank you to ALL essential workers keeping us safe and functioning.

❤️

I am an ER nurse. We are given one mask per day to wear all day. Any covid suspected patient that is going to be intubated is treated with airborne precautions so we all wear PAPRS. Running a code with PAPRS on or doing RSI’s is very difficult with this head gear; however, very necessary. We have the beds. We have the staff. We have the ventilators. No visitors are allowed except for one adult per pediatric patient per day only. People are dying alone. The level of human suffering is nothing like I have seen before. We are not testing everyone due to limited supply and stringent requirements. I worry everyday that I will bring this virus home to my partner and my 2 month old baby.

I work at a nursing home/skilled rehab facility in eastern NC. I will concede that administration has tried to meet the state rules for a strict close down to vendors, visitors, etc. Temperatures are taken at the door…remarkable that everyone runs between 96.x and 98.x with a temporal artery thermometer that regularly gets dropped on the floor! We simply don’t have the advised PPEs—some full time staff are on the third week of using the same disposable N95 mask (not resanitized between uses), the rest of us are using “spit” masks with vacuum cleaner HIPPA filter paper filters, we have a limited supply of pitifully thin gowns, gloves that don’t fit half the staff….no caps or shoe covers. We are supposed to be reassured by the “fact” that we are COVID free. I’m not sure how that is a known fact…we don’t have the capacity to test!

I actually feel cleaner and safer in the local Walmart where the guidelines are (at least for a bit longer) being observed.

All I can do is watch the news and see these crazed people who are so determined to break/end the guidelines early and I worry about who is going to be ready to care for the sick of a possibly more resistant and more virulent second wave?

I question the decisions of our elected officials at all levels.

My residents need to see their loved ones, hold their hands, hear their natural voices.
My dying resident deserves to know that his loved ones are at his bedside.

I do understand the economic reasons to get people back to work, the schools open, and life back to “normal”— believe me, my hair needs cutting and I can’t even reach my toenails on a good day (so a pedicure is edging toward “essential”).

But, I don’t want to die or to asymptomatically pass the virus on to someone else when staying closed down for a few more weeks now that we have become used to it could make a huge difference in the progress of this disease.

And tomorrow morning I will return to work, put on my spit mask, get my temperature taken, wear what PPE I can put together when I need it —and try to smile hugely behind my mask so my residents can see my eyes crinkle at the corners and hear confidence and reassurance in my voice.

But inside I and fearful and frightened…..

I thank my fellow nurses for meeting the addition challenges they are facing today. I am a retired nurse who served during the Vietnam era. During my last 10 years in nursing, I worked in Public Health and infection control so I know this is an uncertain time until we have more data. My prayers go with you. I thank you for all you do.

Being a pediatric home health nurse is extremely challenging. I care mostly for chronic lung disease with trachs and vents in the home. Back in February my 2 year old had a temp of 104, respiration 60 and pulse of 160 with increased work of breathing. I brought the client to the ED and after tylenol and a fluid bolus was sent home. I had repeated our ED trip again the following week and was sent home again. I never felt so helpless. CXR showed a viral picture what ever that means. I became sick thinking it was a cold but my legs were giving out. I would go to work then sleep for 12 hours and go back to work. This went on for a month. By this time covid-19 was everywhere. My client did improve and I am grateful for that. I did not have sick time and was fearful of losing my health insurance if I did not work. Now I know my client had Covid-19. I did too. Due to the slow response I will never know for sure. I have one homemade mask provided by my employer. I still feel helpless that being a RN I have been made to surcome to this level of unpreparedness this far along into a pandemic.

I returned to work on 4/6, even though I was not 100%, I recovered from COVID 19 and needed to get back to work to support my staff and colleagues. I was amazed to see how my nursing units are transformed. For example, 18 and 20 bed ICUs are now 30 bed COVID 19 units. 12-14 bed ICUs are up to 18-20 beds etc. The nursing staff is stretched to the max. This was not planned so no time to hire and train nurses. Staffing is a constant daily struggle and takes up the majority of my time. We have gotten ICU nurses and CRNAs from out of state and I am grateful but it is not enough. We continue to recruit.

I am in awe of my nurse managers and how they support and work with their staff. The days are long but they are resilient and just keep going. I now truly understand the meaning of going above and beyond.

The support from neighboring restaurants is unbelievable. The staff receives food delivered to their units every day. The ED always have extra food and I get a daily call to partake of their bounty. I often get food to feed 50-80 people. I check with various units to see what their needs are and divide food as indicated (not just my 7 units). There are areas such as VAS/RRT where food is not delivered to, I shared with them as well. The hospital also provides for staff daily and there are items available for purchase as well.

Staff are also supported and appreciated in other ways. Our MICU nurses received a thank you letter and $8000.00 from one of our senior registered dietician, to use for coffee/tea. Mothers of nurses send home made meals to respective units etc. How considerate and supportive is that?

I work in a specialist office and perform sinus procedures, not currently of course. The doctor wants to start scheduling these procedures again and I am nervous even with proper PPE because I have asthma, and a paralyzed diaphragm on one side from heart surgery last year. I am scared and sickened by the way the owner/doctor and P.A. and medical assistants are handling this like it is no big deal. I am having such a hard time ethically being here but I need a job and insurance like most people. There is no enforcement of rules and lots of patients still coming into office that could be handled via telemedicine. I am treated like the black sheep because my views are so different and more protective. There is no communication which makes everything so much more difficult here. Thank you to the front line workers, I could never do what you are doing.

I just want to say THANK YOU to all the nurses out there on the front lines. YOU are our heroes and each and every one of you are of great value to our country. I am a retired nurse of 45 years of nursing and b/c I have diabetes and asthma, I am thankful I do not have to be on the front lines right now b/c I doubt I could withstand what you heroes are called to do each day. God bless you, protect you, and go before you to prepare your way each day. Much love and hugs to all of you!!!!

Hundreds of daffodils bloomed in my front yard 3 weeks ago and still stand! Very unusual! They are a month early and have never lasted this long. Everyone is out walking and enjoys them. God has a plan. Always.
(Would have attached a photo, but no means to do it here!)

Never in my 27 yrs of nursing that I cried and cried, scared, hopeless in this time of crisis related to a virus. Flu season is nothing. Just last week, it hits me and my coworkers. The numbers were up, our PPE’s are limited, I have to transfer my patient to ICU. Then ICU capacity maxed out. The ethics committee has to be involved to determine who will get that ICU bed and ventilator. The MedEvac had flown all day in my hospital to bring the intubated patients to the mothership hospital with dwindling ICU beds. My ears hurt from my masks. My face got all these marks too. I’m breathing the same air from my open mouth the whole time. I made sure I eat and drink to nourish my body to survive my 12 hours shift. I yelled at some nurses who recklessly forgot to wear N95 on their covid patients. I reassure my patients and their family, they cried in panic. I cried secretly in the corner. I have to be strong in front of everybody. I told my fellow nurses we can not quit, that’s why we are nurses, we are special. We can not abandon the sick people. We can not abandon each other. I know we can get infected or worst die. I prayed everyday. The last words my patient say to their family before wheeling him to ICU “I love you” , brought tears in my eyes and we all know what that means…

I was at home recovering from COVID 19 and at 0700 on March 31st one of my colleague called me. She said, I am in the parking lot but I just have to call you and tell you that I have been thinking about all night. I need to pray with you before I get to the unit. I was so touched and appreciated her call so much. There are no words to express how this made me feel. Suffice it to say my spirit was lifted.

Just a little tip. Wipe down your groceries before u put them in your vehicle in your own bags. Double bag fruits veggies etc. and discard outer bag. Wipe hand area of inside bag and tie shut. Sanitize you’re hands. Once home , place veggies, fruit etc straight into sink. Leave plastic /paper bags outside in recycle bin. Wash your hands again after washing stuff in sink! 👍

I am a nurse in LTC & subacute. Any pt. That comes from the hospital is automatically on isolation however they are on isolation with another person in the room. Now these people are on isolation for 14 days they come at different times and they can come from different hospitals. I’m not sure that mixing them makes any sense. I’d like to get some feedback here. We are required to wear a mask all day at work and of course in the isolation rooms.we are only allowed one paper masks per day so we do not run out of masks. I feel this is a dirty process especially for the isolation rooms. What does everybody think about this your feedback is appreciated

I am RN and it all became serious last weekend for me. My onset of severe a sore throat and cough symptoms were consistent with early Covid-19. I decided to be tested as I don’t want to expose my patients and chose to isolate. Going through a drive -up testing site was a bit difficult as I was alone and that reality that I might die alone really hit me hard. I knew how the advance stage of this virus would end with ventilation and possible a death without family by my side! I spent a five day isolation with my symbols getting a bit worse but never a high fever or body aches. My breathing was tight but not short of breath. My MD called in an antibiotic believing it was a bronchitis )which I have never had in my entire life), so it was worrisome to think she was wrong! Finally Friday arrives and of course, I miss the first call with results. I freaked out as this just took me over the edge after a stressful week telling my adult children I might have Covid!
Blessed to say it was negative but please realize even being tested caused such anxiety. I have been a nurse over 40 years and was never once afraid yet, this virus scared me. Know that even just your experience from being tested can bring the reality of your possible death to the forefront of your consciousness! Please pray for all health care workers who are on the front lines of this pandemic. I was blessed not to be positive this time. The reality is I may need to be retested as I will be back at my job next week. This virus will be ever present for a few more months and threaten us all until a vaccine can make it stop in its path of destruction! Be safe ! Nurse Barbara

It was our Grandsons fourth birthday yesterday and my wife and I got to Duo with him and his mother and sisters last night…his Daddy is our son who works on the North Slope of Alaska in the oil industry. His wife has been home alone with the four Grandchildren for 5 weeks during this whole thing. They are holding up but it has been soooo hard on all of them. Our Grandson asked “Grandpa, Is this going to be my last birthday?” He was perplexed and could not seem to wrap his head around it. We about fell apart and his mother told us he has asked her that question 3 separate times and that it was starting to scare her. His Daddy was devastated to hear that question coming from his son and not being able to be there for him and all of them. We could not pick him up and reassure him…he has heard so much and picks up on everything. He is at that “so literal” time in his young life. We simply had to hug on him through the phone and try to comfort him, his sisters and his mother. God Help Us to love every moment of every day and treasure and be thankful for our families and His help….on the West Coast right now in a place that is not being hit too hard with all of the death and sickness yet. That man, that woman, that person perfect in Christ Jesus right now…our prayers and hearts are going out for and to you all right now….

I’m fairly certain that my experience of recent has been true with every other nurse who reads this.
I have never seen staff as physically and mentally just pushed to this level. Most of us are doing 14 to 15 hour days. Protective equipment is at a premium and under lock and key. Our docs are completely perplexed because of the way this disease is presenting so differently from day to day
Some things I thought were impossible just seem to happen. When I am assigned to charge, the biggest struggle is keeping up morale with staff and patients. Remembering to breathe is my biggest challenge…and maintaining some kind of calm.
God bless us all…stay well and stay safe.