Ah, Thanksgiving. A time for family, for friends, for gratitude and for really, really questionable injuries.
Of course, any nurse who’s been roped into a Thanksgiving shift is well-acquainted with the annual return of the Turkey Day surge, a phenomenon quite like the full moon shift, but with a lot more kitchen cutlery.
Since a nurse can’t always respond to a medical emergency the way he or she might really like to, we thought we’d relieve some of the tension by doing just that—starting with the eight all-too-plausible scenarios below.
1
When a patient arrives at the ER suffering from hypothermia and possible frostbite…
…after waiting in line for a Black Friday sale at Best Buy.
For three days.
In a blizzard.
2
When a husband is admitted to the ER after exhibiting severe drowsiness and unusual behavior. Found to have ingested powerful sedatives…
…apparently intended for in-laws.
3
When a patient sustains severe burns to the face and neck after attempting to glaze a ham.
Admits to having substituted alcohol, a match and a massive exhale for a culinary-uses-approved blowtorch.
4
Middle-aged male patient is admitted to the ER after having suffered a minor head injury.
Patient explains that the injury was sustained during a game of family football in which all the men compete—using a frozen turkey.
5
Patient arrives at the ER with multiple fractures caused by a fall. The fall occurred while attempting to decorate the exterior of the home with holiday lights.
Not having a tall enough ladder, the patient had duct-taped two shorter ladders together for a greater vertical reach.
6
Dazed and slightly paranoid young man arrives with clear signs of blunt force trauma.
Eventually confesses to having attended Thanksgiving at his girlfriend’s home…
…whose cousin is also his girlfriend.
7
Patient arrives in early afternoon after unexpectedly losing consciousness; no prior health issues.
As it turns out, patient has been fasting for several days so as to make more room for Thanksgiving seconds.
8
Patient arrives complaining of severe stomach pain. Symptoms found to be a result of overeating.
Patient wants to know if it’s still possible to receive a dinner tray prior to release.
Patient came to ED with a stab wound to his hand when asked how it happened he said, “I was trying to get the last turkey leg and I didn’t ask.”
Freezing weather, get an ambulance call that they were bringing in man who was running around outside “starkers”. He was a bit blue when arriving in the ER. Got him in a private room, warm blankets, limb restraints, etc. Young nurse tried to insert a foley, but couldn’t get it in. My partner (male nurse) volunteered to insert it. A few minutes later, he came from the room, and started laughing. Seems the patient had hypospadias! Who knew!?!