Let's keep it real -you can’t be in nurse mode ALL the time. So how do you set boundaries outside the hospital? Check out our tips (including a bit of humor) below and don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments section.
It’s a tale as old as nursing time…You arrive (crawl) home after a long shift. All you want to do is shower. Or eat. Or eat in the shower.
Either way, the goal is little to no human interaction—at least until you’ve had a moment to decompress. And that’s when it happens—your phone rings, and you just know it’s somebody hoping to tap into your endless reservoir of medical knowledge. Or maybe you’re struck by concern for one of the patients you left behind, and you’re tempted to reach for the phone yourself, if only just to call in and see how they’re doing. Are they comfortable? What’s their temperature?
Of course, you can’t help it—you’re a nurse. And all those friends and family members constantly blowin’ up your phone about a rash or a fever? Well, they can’t really help their instincts either—they trust you. But here’s the thing: While the hospital may be open 365 days a year, you simply can’t be. And while you never stop being a nurse, if you don’t switch out of work mode every once in a while, you’re going to hit a place that looks like this:
And we want it to look more like this:
Let’s be honest—if your friends and family have to choose between a crowded waiting room, a WebMD-induced panic attack or picking up the phone and dialing your number, odds are that they’re calling you.
Which is why we’d like to help you set some boundaries so you can really (seriously) switch out of nurse mode when you need a little room to breathe.
1
Be careful what you wish for.
If you aren’t prepared to field all the questions and concerns that are likely to come your way, don’t throw out a loaded “call me anytime” or “always here to help” when your neighbor is discussing a family-wide case of the flu. Of course, you may feel differently about close friends and family, but you shouldn’t be mistaken as an always-available alternative to the doctor’s office among general acquaintances—especially if they live next door.
2
Establish some ground rules.
It’s not easy for a non-nurse to fully comprehend how draining a day on the job can be for a nurse—physically, mentally and emotionally. If they could, they might think twice before dropping by on your day off to talk about allergies or calling you during dinner with questions their pharmacist could definitely tackle.
So fill them in.
Let your loved ones know how important it is that you have an opportunity to recharge. Tell them when it is you like to catch up on your sleep, and ask them not to call during that time (unless, of course, there’s an emergency), or to simply shoot you a text if they have a question or request so that if it’s not a great time, you can come back to it later.
Don’t hesitate to tell your loved ones if you’d rather they not offer you up as a resource or share your private contact information with others—at least not without checking with you first.
Finally, if you are going to dip into your nursey knowledge off the clock, train your unofficial patients to be good patients, as in prepared, courteous and non-argumentative.
3
While you’re at it, set some rules for yourself, too.
Remember that for others, it’s going to be hard to determine the difference between a pressing question and one that’s fairly benign. If you find that you’re being inundated with off-the-clock medical matters, take it upon yourself to make your downtime a priority. If it can wait, let it. Turn your phone on silent when you sleep or stash it in the other room if you want to fully commit to some “you” time, whether that’s reading, exercising or sorta just doing this:
4
Now, for the real patients…
Struggling to disconnect from work when you’re off the clock is natural, but necessary. Even if you’re far from the point of struggling with compassion fatigue, nurse burnout can come hard and fast.
So, while we’re sure you’ve heard it a thousand and one times, try to resist the urge to nurse from afar. If you want to be well-versed when it comes to a patient’s status prior to the next handoff, save your update request and dial in just before the start of your next shift. And remember—if you aren’t checking in on your patient every other hour from home, it does not mean you’re being neglectful. Your patients deserve a well-rested, focused and alert nurse, and you deserve every opportunity to be that for them.
Years ago all…and I mean ALL of my neigbors knocked on my door at all hours of the day and night to ask me for advise, including some really stupid questions. I finally put up a sign on my front door. It read
” OFFICE HOURS ..MONDAY..5PM-6PM
FEE $100.00
AT ANY OTHER TIME, CALL911″
You can’t believe how quickly the knocks on my door stopped, especially when I told people the fee was
for real.
I’ll make sure that I get my sleeeeeepppp nothing else,right food too!Enough water to hydrate and exercise!Don’t forget connection loving family and friends,yeah!
I was cautioned early in career that giving medical advice off the clock can come back to bite you. Other than the closest friends and family, often best to direct them to their own doc. I think people even learned that that’s my standard reply 🙂
First of all, I only went into Nursing for a paycheck. I learned early on that adult patients have nurse fantasies and I am no one’s fantasy. I became a Level 111 NICU nurse. Infants needs are real. Unfortunately, I do not like 12 hours shifts and cannot work midnights. I’ve spent the next several years working with adults who I really cannot stand. I kept hearing “you’re my nurse, I expect you..”. Needless to say, I’ve been pink slipped. I now found my niche using my extensive background in the dental and medical sciences reviewing charts, researching and writing for an insurance company. I am now winning awards. The most recent came with a $5,000 bonus. I tell people I play a role Mon thru Friday from 9 to 5. I am not interested in hearing the details of their health issues. Talk to your doctor. I am not a Nurse which to me is the “N” word. I am not a special person, an angel of mercy. I work. Play a role. Earn a paycheck so I can do the things I really love. Now when people ask me what I do for a living I tell them I work at Starbucks.
Congratulations on finding what works for you; I like it when people stop being miserable and find joy in their work.
Larry Nelson MS RN NHDP-BC
Be unavailable. Pick your friends wisely and say no or you don’t know…
The one thing I find works best is to say…Nurses are trained to assess and gather information not diagnosis, I am happy to help you with that but I most likely will tell you to make an appointment to see your Dr.
Well said 🙂
Probably the best expression of that advice I have ever heard / read.
Mind if I appropriate that? 🙂
L.A. Nelson MS RN NHDP-BC