Resolutions, Schmezolutions: 9 Resolutions No Nurse Would Ever Make

This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

Does anybody even make New Year’s resolutions anymore? Isn’t everybody perfect by now? I thought that was how it worked: You resolved a few things every year, and by the time you hit 30, boom! Perfect.

No? Well, anyway, here are some resolutions I can guarantee no nurse will be making this year, listed from #9 down to #1.

9. I resolve to work more. I simply can’t get enough of those twelve- or sixteen-hour shifts.

8. I resolve to stop farting on my coworkers. Seriously, isn’t that what med rooms are for?

7. I resolve to not eat donuts, no matter how stressed I am. Donuts are love, people. Donuts are life itself sometimes.

6. Similarly, I resolve to not eat whatever that is that’s in the break room, without regard for how long it’s been there. No judgment here; you do what you gotta do.

5. I promise not to side-eye, throw shade, do the scleral shuffle or otherwise nonverbally communicate my exasperation with doctors. Instead, I will…what? Toss them out the window?

4. I resolve to stop one-upping non-healthcare workers’ “gross” stories at parties. Really? Is that the best you’ve got? Let me tell you about the time….

3. I resolve to shower the love and affection on my management and administrative teams that they so richly deserve. No comment.

2. I resolve not to backstock, hide, squirrel away or otherwise stash pieces of equipment or supplies that are always hard to find. If I did that, the unit would grind to a halt.

1. I resolve to get up 10 minutes earlier every day, iron my scrubs, put on tasteful and restrained makeup, and do my hair. This is why you’re a nurse: scrubs don’t need to be ironed!

 


This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

 

2 COMMENTS

  1. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person that thought perfection happened at 30 and now I’m looking at the horizon realizing I’ve got another 30 years to pull this show together and this show will never be perfect. Nursing has shown me no one’s life is perfect, you work hard, try to care about others, occasionally get irritated with others, and sometimes you need others to care about you. So I second that resolutions are a waste of time, what matters is that you’re trying.

  2. OMG! Thank you and thank you again. So true. Now I don’t feel like the only compassion fatigued burned out give me a maple cream stick now don’t ask me to put on makeup at 5am kinda nurse!!! Amen!

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