8 Hilarious Ways To Tell You’re Actually A Nurse

This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

We asked our Funny Nurses family to fill in the blank after “You know you’re a NURSE when…” and we got some pretty great responses! We think you’ll relate – see below:

You know you’re a NURSE when…

1. When you sign the credit card receipt at the store…and everything else with “RN” – Meighan H.

2. When you can write a complete paragraph in nursing shorthand and it makes perfect sense… to any other Nurse. Conversely, it is an unbreakable code to anyone else. – Michael F.

3. When you inhale every meal you eat. Even at home literally hardly any chewing. #aintnobodygottimeforthat – Gabi C.

4. When washing your hands before using the toilet. Scrub Nurse FTW! – Makis T.

5.  Use sterile technique to open a stick of butter. – Chrissy B.

6. When you make your bed with hospital corners. – Nadine G.

7. You know you work night shift (rotating) when you drive home and sit at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green. – Kay J.

8. Being a male nurse and getting every patient questioning your orientation or calling you doc. – Carl S.

What do you think? Share your own "you know you're a nurse when..." in the comments section below.


This article was republished with permission from SCRUBS Magazine.

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Denise Murphy

You know you are a nurse when you get excited when you see people with awesome veins and you tell them, “I could put an #18 or #20 in those veins with my eyes closed.”

Cindy

-When you wake up in the middle of your night and remember you never got that pt a glass of water/ice. (you did resuscitate the code, handle the MI, got the right blood on the right pt) but never got that water or blanket.
-You visually assess people in public- that one is in renal failure on dialysis… I wonder that that persons H & H is??…. WOW look at those veins!!!… I wonder what would happen to those nipple rings if he needs to be defibrillated….. that one is Chronic liver failure…..

Cindy

When you can NEVER look at a full moon with anything but dread and if you are lucky to be off, you are glad, but wish the best for your co-workers.

Also, your vocabulary doesn’t have the word “quiet” in it. And if you hear anyone using that word you give them a scowl that would frighten even the strongest of people, just because you know only bad things can follow the use of that word. (It’s known as the “Q” word around my house. Much worse than any other cuss word.)

VAlerie Spotts

You know you’re a nurse when you are talking about a stretch break from the computer and you call it DVT prophylaxis.

CG

When you wash your hands using the proper hand washing technique, using the paper towel to turn off the faucet…at home and at every other location that you use the restroom.

Linda RN

You know your a NURSE when- you have an empty stomach, full bladder & someones chewed half her/his butt off!!

Theresa

You know you’re an OR Nurse when you tell your kids to go put it in in the “autoclave” (microwave).
They were 7, 9 and 11 at the time and initially puzzled when I first said it, till I explained it to them. They eventually got used to my reference whenever I said it, which occurred fairly frequently.
I had just started working in the Operating Room. We had autoclaves in each OR and sterilized a set of instruments in the room while setting up and opening our case.
Nurse 31 yrs, OR for 28 yrs

rosie

You know you are a nurse when
1) You meet your potential spouse, shake his hand, and grip his forearm, and think, “OMG, He’s the guy. he’s got great….veins”.
2) You look in your adult daughter’s car, and pride fills your heart when you spot the emergency miralax, first aide kit, sunscreen, and jumper cables.
3) you answer inquires about health with ‘Did you poop, or how much sleep did you get, or how many glasses of water did you drink today”

Stephanie H, RN

When you’re at home changing your infant’s diaper and find yourself rolling him from side-to-side to get the diaper under him instead of just picking up his feet and sticking the diaper under him.

Carol Ann Nelsen

An RN for the past 59 years and still laugh at some of my encounters…like when camping in the High Sierra’s on a cold night and I see a women at the picnic table cleaning her child up and after washing him she proceeds to clean out his ears, next day I told her I guessed she was also a nurse…she was.
The best thing was in a small town when an elderly patient of mine spied me in the large hardware store full of farmers and yelled “Hey, Nursey !!! Nursey !!!! are you coming to see me today? “

Jill L

When you’re holding Bae’s hand and simultaneously taking his pulse…..

Deneen RN BSN

You know your a nurse when you realize it’s been almost 12 hours and you feeling a little pressure and thinking to yourself…”I’ve been so busy that I haven’t peed all day”. We have iron bladders.

Gyalia

When your kids start crying and you ask, “Are you bleeding, dying or cant breath?” Then, it’s OK. Or, “if it’s broke, we can fix it!”

Tobe Snow

When you are out with friends and no matter where you are, if someone falls, gets injured or doesn’t feel well, everyone looks at you and calls out,” she’s a nurse, she can help!” PS. This happens even though I am actually now retired but once a nurse, always a nurse.

J. Minns-Tucker

When you carry 2 bags to work and when your work shoes stay in the car.

Channie

You know you are a nurse when you enter a train in NYC, and find someone in the ground soaked in urine, calling for help to get up. You open your bag, pull out a mask, two pair of gloves, a shoe cover, don them and run toward her to help her up, while every one else run out of the train to enter the next car because they don’t want a disease. Then you pull out your spray bottle filled with 99% alcohol to disinfect your clothes.

Deborah E Smoak

You know you’re a nurse when you date and sign your children’s bandaids.

frank lomprez RN

When you go into the med room and forget what the heck you went in there for. Or as one my fellow nurse did. She was so tired she tired to get in the med room with her car keys. We both had a good laugh and drank another cup of coffee.

Kathy

You know you’re a nurse when you holler at your kids to go clean their rooms STAT!

Ivorine Garrick

Ivorine

When everyone in your house is tired of you reminding them to wash their hands.

Teresa Jackson

After a really busy ICU shift with several codes you get home and fall into bed. Only to shoot out of the bed and are halfway down the hall before you are awake because a cardiac monitor went off on a TV show your husband was watching.

Bernice Sullivan

When you tell someone to have their doctor check their thyroid because their eyes are bulging out. Or you know that’s not an Adam’s apple.

Sandy Jr., LPN

As an LPN student, during Clinicals, my sister called one morning to make sure I was awake an getting ready for class. I had 2 separate alarm clocks and my stereo alarm set and all were going off. She asked “Are you up?” I said ” Yeah”, still in my bed. She asked what all that noise was an I told her ” That’s the alarm on my patients IV pump going off, down the hall and I’m going to check it out.” To which she said… “That ain’t an alarm on an IV pump, it’s your alarm clocks going… Read more »

Bob

When you dream about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail.

Cheryl

You know you are a nurse when changing a dressing and you discover that the wound is covered with maggots. The first words out of my mouth are “Oh this is great, they’re gonna clean that baby right up”, then proceed to redress the wound.

ingrid

When standing in the check out line and see a patient (oops!) person in front of you that doesn’t look so healthy, you start assessing him/her. When you get to the produce section and you have to put a head of lettuce in a plastic bag, you grab the plastic bag in your hand and pull it over the head of lettuce. When you get to the deli section and asked the person, “will you change your gloves,” before handling your machine sliced turkey.

Angie Skidmore

When you knock the door before entering your own bedroom

Johnny Walker

As a previous RN and now current RRT, some things transition well between the health professions.

In my particular case, you KNOW you’re an RRT when your ring tone for incoming calls is a Drager Ventilator “Critical” Level Alarm!!

Harry

Truly an epiphany. Can’t say how embarrassing, even waking from sleep that I spent all shift busy with everything important and didn’t give a single medication.

Cindy Hall

I get the grocery store confessions and usually complete medical history from the person in front of me..I look at their gate and ask about the limb they are limping on…And then about 15 minutes later…I am giving out non medical advice. …like to elevate their legs 4 times a day, etc. What really got me one day I was with my daughter in line at the grocery store and a lady in front of me was going on about her surgery… When we left, my daughter asked me, “Mommy did you know that lady in the grocery store?” I… Read more »

Danette Tafoya

I have had the nightmares of not checking on certain patients for a whole shift. So happy when I wake up and its not real. I still do this and I haven’t worked inpatient for many years.

Pearl Joy (BSN RN CRNI)

When you did background screening and the machine had difficulty detecting your fingerprints and the officer asked your occupation and you said RN, the officer replied “that’s why!”… blame it all on those frequent hand washings….RN for 20 years now… plus 4 years as a student nurse..

Agnie Coba

So loving and caring and don’t talk back ,compassionate,and you call back those people you thought doesn’t deserved how you reacted towards them after a misunderstanding.

Mary R

When I worked in the nursery, I saw a fellow OB nurse, on her day off, at the super market. I didn’t initially recognize her. She covered her mouth and forehead with her hands and then I knew who she was because I was now seeing only her eyes. You can imagine the grocery store patrons’ expressions when I said, “Oh, hello, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.” I still laugh when I hear other nurses say the same thing has happened to them.

Patty,RN New Jersey girl

…..when you answer your home phone or cell phone as…. “ICU this is (your name) may I help you” done this dozens of times! Or… when you are trying to call another floor’s extension and you call your own unit’s alternate ext. and you keep answering the ringing line only to find out you keep calling and hanging up on yourself!! Geeez!

Twila H.

You know you are a Nurse when….
Your 5 year old explains to her Pediatrician that she knows she drinks enough water because of the color of her urine.
. . . Announces to Grandma that she needs her “Miralax” and correctly explains why.

Rebecca

When your kids come to you with any kind of ailment and they always end the description with, “And yes, mom, I pooped today.” …because it’s always my first question. Hahaha!

Diane Lynn

You are at a crowded mall…..you hear a phone ring that sounds just like your pager at work…….you furiously pat your pockets looking for your pager…….

LaReda R

When you can identify the disease/condition by the smell of the BM….C-Diff, GI Bleed, etc etc
When the full moon is a thing of absolute dread instead of a thing of beauty.
When you dream of Xanax in a pez dispenser as the perfect Christmas present.

Helen Wash Asbury

I have thought about being in jail and being able to read and write a book while I am in solitary.

Mary

–You SO know you are a nurse when you are completely happy eating any meal from an 8 oz styrofoam cup with a plastic spoon. –You know you are a nurse when, at the supermarket, you might forget essential food on your list, but NEVER the coffee…. especially when you are going in for 3 12hr nights in a row… you stock your cart with coffee…. –You know you are a nurse when you have gotten out of every speeding ticket by relating your speed to your shift in the ICU… going to, coming from, got called in… Sad but… Read more »

Lori

When you dream about the medicine cart drawers opening and pills coming out attacking you mnuour sleep. Along with this patients are yelling “Nurse, Nurse”

Denny

I worked Cardiac Intensive Care in a blue collar community. Not wanting to offend me, male patients would ask me if I was married to determine my preferences. I would answer “Yes, I’m married with three daughters and yes, I’m heterosexual.

Diana Pietras, RN

You know you are a nurse when you get into an elevator with a stranger or are standing in line at the grocery store and they start talking to you about their gallbladder or other ailment asking for your opinion. I feel like I must have RN stamped to my forehead.

JJ

When I’m serving dinner and ask the boys if they want another “dose” of potatoes! ;D

Ali Britt

You know you’re a nurse when you announce on facebook “I’m watching the Super Bowel”. Didn’t notifce the spelling mistake until several people mentioned it!

Lynn

Lynn, RN
you know you’re a nurse When your teenage son, uses the bathroom and forgets to flush, and you notice that his urine is very concentrated and you tell him he needs to drink more water.
Also doing head to toe eyeball assessment on every time you look at someone.

Cindy

When you think about measuring everyone’s urine, even yours after not being able to pee for over 6 hours and figure “yeah, that’s got to be at least 900 ml.”

Robert RN

You know you’re a nurse when you dream about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail.

Lynn A. Parker

That’s a common one! Most people dream that they get an “F” because they forgot to attend a class. I dream that a patient died because I forgot I had that critically ill patient down the hallway. I scoff at their panic!